PRODUCT
Fizzle Bang Twats
PRODUCT DESCRIPTION
Fizzle Bang Twats – Fireworks Selection Box
Everything you need for a proper night of Fizzles, Bangs and Twats.
A 22-piece mixed firework selection for colourful garden displays at a 25-metre viewing distance. Twenty-two Twats should be more than enough for most households.
PUBLIC RESPONSE
Customer Reviews
★★★★★
An impressive succession of eruptions, prolonged discharges and ejaculations. The whole family stood outside applauding.
Nigel Ringpiece, Hereford
★★★☆☆
“Great colours. Took a while to finish, but eventually everyone got a satisfying spurting from my box. Spent twenty minutes shooting all over the place. Drew quite a crowd by the end.
Penny Bollocks, BAth
★★★★★
Several went off prematurely, but there was plenty of vigorous spurting and banging. There was enough sustained action to keep the neighbours watching.
Anna Knobmann, Lancaster
PRODUCT INFORMATION
Pack Information
| Format | Fireworks selection box |
| Contents | 22 fireworks |
| Assortment | 2 Wheels, 4 Rockets, 5 Roman Candles, 11 Fountains |
| Viewing distance | 25 metres |
BEHIND THE LABEL
INSIDE THE DESIGN
REAL WORLD DETAILS
Origins
A box and 22 firework labels (2 Wheels, 4 Rockets, 5 Roman Candles, 11 Fountains.)
A typically basic box of family fireworks. The bright colours and silly names made it a good candidate for a complete Rude Pantry rebuild.
Full Designs
Original vs Rude Pantry Version
| Original Product | Rude Pantry Product | |
|---|---|---|
| Parent Company | American Promotional Events, Inc | Rude Pantry |
| Brand | TNT | Bog Standard Fireworks |
| Product Name | Merlin Selection Box | Fizzle Bang Twats |
| Variety | Merlin | Fizzle Bang Twats |
| Dominant Theme | Brightly coloured firework names. | General swearing and crudeness |
| Barcode Numbers Spell | Unknown | 11 14 1 3 11 5 18 19 = KNACKERS |
| Barcode Scans As | TNT Merlin Selection Box Merlin with Croutons 4 Fireworkss | Bollocks! |
Comparison
Development & Detail
Notes
The original new box name was “Clitoris Allsorts”, but I later changed it, as it didn’t work as well as “Fizzle Bang Twats”.
The full list of firework names:
SHIMMERING JISM
SPUNK SPRAY
RELEASED OTTERS
GOLDEN SHOWER
FOOTLONG FUCKER
THUNDER CUNT
MISSION TO YOUR ANUS
VOMIT FOUNTAIN
UBER TWAT
HAPPY ENDING
MEAT SEEKING PISSILE
SHIT STORM
CLUSTER FUCK
FROTHING GASH
CUNTYBOOBY
BARKING SPIDER
RUSTY SHERIFF’S BADGE
AERIAL BASTARD
SKY FART
PHALLIC SPURTER
CUNT BUSTER
HAEMORROID ATTACK
I made two sets of these. The first I gave to my then girlfriend’s brother as a birthday present as it was close to Bonfire Night.
I still have the unused second set. Also, I amended the labels to include Rude Pantry, as I had conceived of that in 2012.
