FOUNDER, PROPRIETOR AND VIGOROUS DOMESTIC BRANDER
Percival Richard Wankswell
1845–1915
Few individuals have shaped Britain’s pantry quite like the founder of Rude Pantry, one of the country’s earliest advocates of what he described as “vigorous domestic branding.”
THE FOUNDER’S STORY
A Proud Heritage of Poor Taste
1845–1872
A Leeds Childhood
Born in Leeds on 22 July 1845, Wankswell believed that everyday groceries deserved the same care, craftsmanship and attention as fine wines or expensive tailoring, but with considerably more swearing.
The son of a respected provisions merchant, Wankswell spent his youth travelling Britain in search of exceptional producers. He developed an unusually progressive business model, rejecting the idea that one company should manufacture everything itself.
Instead, he sought out Britain’s finest jam makers, confectioners, sauce blenders, bakers and pickle specialists, commissioning them to produce goods exclusively for Rude Pantry under his exacting standards.
“You can’t beat a good ‘Bastard!’”
Percival Richard Wankswell’s manufacturing philosophy
QUALITY WITHOUT COMPROMISE
Exacting Standards
His insistence upon quality became legendary. It is said that he once rejected an entire shipment of raspberry preserves because, in his opinion, they were merely “very good.”
A surviving notebook from the period contains hundreds of observations on flavour, texture and presentation, alongside comments including “More bollocks,” “Far too respectable,” and the now famous instruction, “Needs considerably more arse.”
Although Victorian society is often remembered for its formality, Wankswell maintained that strong language had an important place in civilised conversation. He believed swearing removed unnecessary pretension and encouraged honesty between people of every class.
Customers of Every Station
His customers included industrialists, judges, labourers, clergy, actors and even several Members of Parliament, many of whom were said to purchase products discreetly while pretending they were intended as gifts.
1873
My Beloved Fanny
In 1872, he married Fanny Willmott, whom he affectionately referred to throughout his diaries simply as “My Beloved Fanny.”
Friends noted that conversations about Fanny occupied much of his day and that he spoke of little else whenever away on business.
Together they had two sons, who inherited both the company and, according to family tradition, their father’s spectacular inability to name products sensibly.
THE CELEBRATED CATALOGUE
Household Favourites
By the early twentieth century, Rude Pantry had become one of Britain’s best-known specialist food brands.
Bastard Biscuits
Bugger’s Breakfast Marmalade
Gobshite Gravy Browning
Sugar Tits
Arse Biscuits
IMAGE PLACEHOLDER
EARLY CATALOGUE SPREAD
The famously difficult-to-stack Arse Biscuits remained in production until advances in packaging finally made them practical.
THE WANKSWELL INSTITUTE
The Development of Graphic Expression
Outside business, Wankswell believed colourful language deserved scholarly attention.
Upon his death, his estate established the Wankswell Institute for the Development of Graphic Expression, dedicated to the preservation, advancement and invention of expressive English.
Over the following century the Foundation would make numerous contributions to modern profanity, including the standardisation of several now-familiar terms and phrases, though these achievements belong to another chapter of the company’s history.
18 APRIL 1915
An Unusually On-Brand Departure
Percival Richard Wankswell died aged sixty-nine after choking during the routine quality assessment of a prototype batch of Sugar Tits. Ever the perfectionist, he had reportedly insisted upon tasting them personally before approving full production.
“Both sudden and typically on-brand.”
The Leeds Mercury
HIS LEGACY
The Principles Endure
Today, nearly 150 years after its founding, Rude Pantry still follows the principles established by its remarkable founder:
- Source only the very best products.
- Work with the finest specialists.
- Never compromise on quality.
- Never underestimate the commercial value of an exceptionally well-placed swear word.