PRODUCT ARCHIVE

Bollock’s Crease

Bollock's Crease Hairy Conkers white wine bottle
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PRODUCT DESCRIPTION

A Classic Chardonnay with Added Conkers

A straightforward bottle of Chardonnay presented with the familiar polished restraint of mainstream white wine: pale gold tones, elegant typography and just enough visual flourish to suggest something more sophisticated than an average supermarket bottle.

Bollock’s Crease Hairy Conkers keeps the winding-creek motif, warm metallic colouring and clean wine-label hierarchy of Jacob’s Creek, then quietly replaces the decorative language with testicles, knackers and a thoroughly less refined sense of terroir.

PUBLIC RESPONSE

Customer Reviews

★★★★★

“Looks like a perfectly ordinary bottle of Chardonnay until you clock the Hairy Conkers. Very convincing from a distance.”

Barry Bollocks, Leeds

★★★★☆

“Crisp enough, but the label was the main talking point. My mother noticed the scrotum edge before I did.”

Mavis Crease, York

★★★★★

“A respectable-looking white wine with a completely unnecessary amount of testicle-based detail. Excellent.”

Clive Knackers, Harrogate

BEHIND THE LABEL

Product Breakdown

ARCHIVE ENTRY

What

Front and back labels for wine bottle.
Originally Jacob’s Creek.

When

July 2020

Origin Notes

Not much to say. It’s an average white wine.

Original vs Rude Pantry Version

Original ProductRude Pantry Product
Parent Company Jacob’s Creek Wines Rude Pantry
Brand Jacob’s Creek Bollock’s Crease
Product Name Jacob’s Creek Bollock’s Crease
Variety Chardonnay Hairy Conkers
Dominant Theme Yellow/orange ripples in liquid, shaped like leaves with a winding creek in negative space Testicles
Barcode Numbers Spell 9300727406538 11 14 1 3 11 5 18 19 = KNACKERS
Barcode Scans As Jacobs Creek Wine Jacobs Creek Classic Chardonnay White Wine 75cl Bollocks!

Comparison

Full Designs

Development & Detail

Select any image to inspect the full-size source.

I added little details like a crimped wrinkly edge to the scrotum
I created very tiny graphic for a foetus with it’s thumb up for the mother getting drunk, not drinking from a glass like the original, but swigging from the bottle.
A small and easy thing to make, but even the tiniest things needed t be recreated in some way, like this mouse graphic.

Notes

I didn’t create a new neck for it, so the metallic part still has “Jacob’s Creek” on it, but I did edit it out for the main image above. I wish I could print in metallics!

I took the photo of the wine in the supermarket in 2025. Morrisons and other bog supermarkets don’t seem to be selling Jacob’s Creek anymore.