PRODUCT

Granola Bar Box

PRODUCT DESCRIPTION

Mature Vagina

For the discerning snacker who likes their Old Cunt crisp, crunchy and packed with oats.

Crisp granola bars made with wholegrain oats and dark chocolate, with a firm bite and satisfyingly substantial texture.

PUBLIC RESPONSE

Customer Reviews

★☆☆☆☆

I enjoyed with a cuppa. Good to moisten up and dip an old dry one. Just don’t leave it in too long.

Karl Fadge, Vienna

★★★★☆

Good reliable snack. Quite brittle, they’re easily broken if you’re too rough.

Barry Cuntwell, Rothwell

★☆★☆★

Old, sweet and surprisingly firm. I shared mine with a man at work.

Anna Bollockiewicz, Gdańsk

PRODUCT INFORMATION

Nutritional Information

Typical valuesPer 100g2 × portion (42g)
Energy1981 kJ / 473 kcal832 kJ / 199 kcal
Fat19.8g8.3g
of which saturates3.4g1.4g

BEHIND THE LABEL

INSIDE THE DESIGN

REAL WORLD DETAILS

Origins

CREATED MAY 2022

Box for granola bars.
Another product with an increasingly complex design, the more closely it is examined.

Full Designs

Original vs Rude Pantry Version

Original ProductRude Pantry Product
Parent CompanyGeneral MillsRude Pantry
BrandNature ValleyMature Vagina
Product NameCrunchyOld Cunt
VarietyOats & Dark ChocolateHaunted Fossil Fanny
Dominant ThemeGranola bars on a wooden board with a green blurred summery outdoor backgroundVulva shaped granola bars and Vaginery things.
Barcode Numbers Spell84100766004796 1 14 14 25 = FANNY
Barcode Scans AsNature Valley Crunchy Oats & Dark Chocolate with Croutons 4 Granolasfanny

Comparison

Development & Detail

I also had to create separate front packaging for other products because they were featured not much bigger than the size of a stamp on one of the sides.
I think they’re quite funny in their own right, so at least I’m showing them here.
A couple of the biscuits I made and photographed from original bars moistened and fashioned from a silicone mould.
Some of the foreign words section.
The first silicone vulva mould from China didn’t arrive so I had to buy another.
Additional breast-themed packaging details
I also created an image for the back of an old haggard woman running in a vagina outfit.

In the Wild

This was the first product I took to a supermarket to photograph on the shelf. Taking it out of a bag was fine. Putting it back looked considerably more like shoplifting.

Notes

As I “had to” do non-English content as well, here are the words and slang I found. This all took quite a while to compile of course.

Finnish Vagina:
Emätin, Pimppa, Pimppi, Pimpsa, Pimpuli, Pillu, Römpsä, Toosa, Tussu, Vittu.

Swedish Vagina:
Fitta, Mus, Pulla.

Norwegian Vagina:
Fitte, Sleipetorva.

Danish Vagina:
Dåse, Fisse, Kusse, Skede, Tissekone.

French, Vagina:
abricot, affaire, amande, angora, antre d’amour, as de carreau, atelier, aumônière, balafre, barbichette, barbichu, barbiquet, barbu, bengali, bénitier, bizoune, berlingot, bijou, biniou, blason, boîte à ouvrage, bonbonnière, boutique, bouton de rose, chagatte, chatte, cheminée, chnéque, choune, con, conicle, connasse, connin, conque, coquillage, craille, ramouille, divertissoire, escalopes, fente, figue, fissure, forêt noire, forêt vierge, forêt de Brocéliande, forge à cocus, fouffe, foufoune, foufounette, foune, founette, fourreau, fraise, framboise, frifri, gagne-pain, garage à bites, jardin secret, kiki, marguerite, mijole, miche, mille-feuilles, minch, minette, minou, motte, moulache, moule, moumoune, nénette, œil du cyclope, perle, pépette, pissette, pissou, portefeuille à moustaches, pot à miel, puits d’amour, prunette, pudenda, raie, raminagrobis, râtelier à bites, rose, rossignol,sadinet, saint-frusquin, salle de jeux, tablier de sapeur, tarte aux poils, touffe, triangle, trou à crinière, zézette, zigouigoui